For Parents-to-Be, Before You Become a Parent: What No One Tells You (But You Need to Hear)
Afraid of carrying forward their childhood or life fears…Becoming Parents or Becoming YOUR Parents and how to permanently eliminate those fears.

This is where I, Andrea Drabble, RTT Practitioner and Hypnotherapist, come in…

If you’ve been quietly sitting with the thought…
What if I mess this up? What if I become like them? What if I can do this? What if my child has a bad childhood like I did? What if…….?????
I want you to pause here for a second.

Because the fact that this even crosses your mind…it means something important is already happening inside of you. You’re aware, and awareness is where cycles begin to break.Not perfection. Not having it all figured out. Just… awareness.

There’s this fear that doesn’t get talked about enough when you’re about to become a parent. It doesn’t always show up loudly. Sometimes it’s subtle, almost like a quiet hum in the background. You start thinking about your own childhood, the things you experienced, the ways you were spoken to, the things you needed but didn’t receive.

And then the question pops up…

What if that becomes my child’s experience too?

That fear can feel heavy, but it’s not there to tell you you’re going to fail. It’s there because a part of you is already choosing something different. Here’s the piece that most people were never taught. Your reactions, your fears, your emotional patterns… they aren’t random; they were learned. Wired in at a time when your brain was trying to understand the world without the ability to question it.

As a child (8 and younger), your brain works on emotion only; logical thinking does not get properly developed in the brain till after age 8. So you didn’t analyze your environment, you absorbed it, you made meaning out of it. You created beliefs about love, safety, connection, and worth… based on what you experienced, how you felt, and how people around you reacted to what was happening. Good and bad, you take it all on from a child’s perspective, not the adult you are today. Meaning you formed beliefs back then that became a way of thinking, good and bad, and if it was a bad thing, your mind went into the 3 P’s: Protection, Priority, or Punishment. Every time something similar happened, it linked them together, trying to help you, keeping you safe, and forming a self-belief or a story. Then that story or belief became a habit, then a pattern, then a way of being or personality trait.

Here’s the thing, our child brain was just, doing exactly what it was designed to do, holding onto those patterns because they felt familiar. The rule of the mind is, “The mind likes what is familiar, and does not like what is unfamiliar.” So what you tell it or instruct it to do, it will do, even if those words or instructions weren’t healthy.

So when you find yourself now as an adult, worrying about becoming like your parents, or grandparents, what you’re actually sensing is something deeper. You’re noticing that some of those old patterns are still there, sitting quietly beneath the surface, being reinforced by linked words and old, outdated emotional beliefs. This also goes for not just wanting to be like your parents, but fears of hereditary illness in the family (which epigenetics shows ways that positive attitudes and not fear will aid in not turning on the receptors for the genes), also living in uncertain times. Reality is, all generations have something that is a fear to bring children into, yet our parents and grandparents and ancestors still had children.

And here’s the truth that softens everything a little…

You don’t pass things down just because they exist within you. You pass them down when they go unseen. In your genes, in your epigenetic coding, but you’re already seeing. That change can begin with you and your partner or just you, that when you change you change your childs self regulation system and in this world when a childs first years are strengthened within them and they have the coping skills to believe in themselves and have empathy but not to take on and that mistakes happen but they are fixable cause their parent did not scream or yell at them. Well, that child is far better off then 90% of the world.

So that changes everything.

You don’t need to be fully healed before becoming a parent, but you need to make a start. You don’t need to have every trigger figured out or every emotion perfectly regulated before you conceive. What matters is that you’re willing to look. To notice what comes up without immediately judging it. To try to understand where it came from instead of pushing it away, to gently shift it, at the level it was created.

The only issue is you can try hard on the surface, from the conscious mind set, but that doesn’t actually change what’s underneath, or what’s currently regulating your nervous system. If your subconscious still holds beliefs that say you’re not enough, or that love comes with tension, or that you have to protect yourself emotionally… Those patterns can show up, especially in moments of stress. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because your brain is following the blueprint it was given.

That’s exactly why deeper work matters. Before conception, if you and your partner regulate your nervous systems, the genetic markers within his sperm or your egg pass on healthy, regulated genes. Remember, generational trauma and beliefs are real, and it is not just your DNA that passes on, but your parents and their parents learnt experience that shaped them. Fears, insecurities, pain, and suffering from the environment they lived through. Studies have now shown these issues get passed along through epigenetics, from up to 7 prior generations till someone in the bloodline stops and says ENOUGH. When you regulate your mind and body, then it becomes a safe, loving, healthy first home for your baby. It grows inside you in a loving, not fear-based womb. Your child feels and hears everything you do in the womb, even amplified as they are living in water! So choosing the right partner, being ready to love and support your baby, is important and something I can say, I so wished someone had written something like this prior to my child being conceived. Because my life, mind, and nervous system alone were a disaster to say the least, not to mention her father’s issues!! So she took it all on, and when I learnt what I know now, it was 16 years later. Not too late really… we have both changed so much around now, but it would have meant a very different life for both of us, had I read this and understood this 20 years ago. When you do the work, you do the work before; you are giving your child their best start in this world. You are giving yourself as a parent as well. You have the coping skills and the tools in your belt to self-regulate in the moment. Making for a more peaceful home.

This is where approaches like Rapid Transformational Therapy come in, not as something overwhelming or complicated, but as a way to actually access the root of those patterns in the subconscious mind. Instead of just talking about what happened, like in most traditional therapies or modalities, you’re able to understand how your mind interpreted it at the time. You get to release the emotional weight attached to it. And then you begin to create a new belief that actually feels safe for your system to hold.

That’s how things start to shift. Not forcefully. Not by pretending everything is fine. But by updating what your mind has been holding onto for years. Give it a new language and rewire it at a neurological level, when that happens, something really powerful unfolds. You begin to respond differently. You feel more grounded. More present. Less reactive. More positive and see life as a possibility instead of a struggle. Not because you’re trying harder… but because the pattern itself has changed.

So if you’re sitting with that fear right now, wondering who you’re going to be as a parent…

Let this land gently.

You are not your past…. You are not your conditioning…. You are the moment it changes.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for your future child… is to heal yourself, choosing to step into the new you now. If that feels like something you’re ready for, even just to explore, this work exists to support you. There’s no pressure in that. Just a possibility!!

No one really has a manual or pulls you aside when you get “the Talk” or in a class and says all of what we talked about above, before having sex when you are a teen, but they really, really should have. We are blessed now living in a time with all the amazing developments in neuroscience, the discovery of epigenetics, psychology, etc., and the blending of Eastern teachings in the Western world. We now have a head start in the race, should we choose that path.

Remember the Turning Point Starts With YOU!